If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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