Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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