I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
