This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
