You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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