My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
