he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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