the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
