recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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