Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
