his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
