After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I supernannyed him into submission
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
