My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
