he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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