he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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