He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize