I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize