hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
