chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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