I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
