she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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