I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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