Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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