I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
