so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
