We won't sleep together?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
