if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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