please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
