The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
