my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
