You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
