are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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