Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
