I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
