GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize