im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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