Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
