this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
