I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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