I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my being single is dangerous.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
