walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
