how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I just put wine in my tea
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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