Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize