We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
