Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize