I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I believe in your delicious
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize