I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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