he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
