Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
