I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
