I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
