so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
