I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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