exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
