...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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