I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
