I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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