do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
