i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
