Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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