Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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