he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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