either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
