Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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