I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
