omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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