Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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