dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
