i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
