Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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