we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
