wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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